I've been transfixed by content in the recently released paedo-files because they offer us an unprecedented window into more than just the minds and souls of specific sexual predators and perpetrators. They also contain reams of detailed information about relationships, cultures, attitudes, dynamics, and distortions typical of people whose emotions are numbed to the pain and to the suffering that they are causing.

We are seeing the human Shadow exposed in exquisite and gruesome detail alongside the shame, the cover-up and the rationalization - with collaborators using anything and everything at their disposal to draw the curtain shut again before they lose everything.

It's a bright February morning and I'm seated at my desk when it feels as if I should be outside doing something that’s better for my body and my sanity. Yet here I am, choosing instead to discuss this uncomfortable material with you from my own distinct perspective because I believe that we possess the tools necessary to disrupt this cycle of abuse and impunity and we've never ever had an opportunity quite like this.

Sexual abuse of children is not driven, primarily, by sexual desire, but by the DISEMPOWERED PERPETRATOR'S NEED to feel empowered while minimizing the risk of rejection, or having their vulnerability to rejection exposed.

Controlling a child or a youth provides these perpetrators with the brief, hollow illusion of power and safety.

This has very far-reaching psychological, behavioural and practical consequences that we’ll address after looking at a few more examples of exclusion.

These paedo-files confirm that the perpetrator’s need to feel powerful does not dissipate or disappear after raping their victims, because their feelings of powerlessness persist, forcing them to seek additional ways to outrun their fear of vulnerability, and unworthiness of love and acceptance. Hence their insatiable desire for wealth, control, status, prestige, and influence.

Why insatiable? No amount of money, control, status, prestige, or influence is capable of flipping an internal switch that informs the perpetrator’s nervous system, that they have ENOUGH – They’re like a person who, at first, is eating because they’re hungry, but never receives a signal to say that they are full.

So, they keep eating until they’re so full they cannot take another bite ... but without the signal communicating that their appetite has been satisfied, they just keep on eating and eating. And they never stop.

Someone who never receives the “stop” signal is chronically ill. Unfettered, their behaviour is harmful other people and to the survival of our species.

It’s incumbent on a community to contain and to limit this destructive behaviour, since uncontrollable-accumulators are incapable of regulating themselves or taking responsibility for the harm they are causing.

Workplaces

Based on the biographies of the perpetrators in the paedo-files, it seems reasonable to infer that each was raised in an environment where they were POWERLESS to defend themselves from EMOTIONAL, PSYCHOLOGICAL AND RELATIONAL HARM.

When they were infants and children, their caregivers were unable, or unwilling, to respond to their (physical), emotional, psychological, and relational needs.

Thanks to the Still Face Experiment, we know this kind of unresponsiveness causes extreme distress in infants and children.

It’s profoundly difficult to convey the depth of that pain (since our brains evolved to block most images that exceed our pain-threshold, whenever possible), so consider this gruesome image if you can tolerate it: imagine having the tip of one finger sawn off with a bone saw, then the tip of the next finger, and then the next—one digit after another, followed by toes and limbs. Now imagine that the EMOTIONAL EQUIVALENT of that brutal physical attack is happening for a child who lacks the power to escape, or to defend themselves.

When a child is exposed to such intense emotional pain and is powerless to stop it, there is nothing they covet more than the POWER to make the pain stop.

The conditions that give rise to the behaviours described in the paedo-files are found wherever there is conflict, exploitation, poverty, inequality, environmental degradation, or chaos.

There is little chance that I will be alive forty years from now when, unless these cycles are broken, we will be hearing similar stories of abuse, perpetrated by men and women who have grown up under conditions where their parents are unable to respond to their children's desperate cries for connection. Some of those parents may have been vaporized in bombing campaigns over Gaza; or they're fighting for their own survival in South Sudan, Ukraine, Russia, Israel, Venezuela, the United States, Pakistan; in the Khayelitshas, Kiberas, Dharavis, Nezas, and Orangi Towns of the world; and in concentration camps being built in Texas and elsewhere— any place where parents lack the bandwidth, the proximity or the resources to properly respond to the desperate emotional and physical needs of their ailing children.

There is little in our track record to suggest that humans will act in time to break these cycles. Yet we now have two crucial assets working in our favour:

The first is this massive release of documents, exposing the inner workings of this particular cluster of abusers and power mongers. We can learn a lot from what has been exposed.
The second is a curriculum that I refer to as the Learning to Love Curriculum, or the SAFE 2B Curriculum. Both offer a basic, step-by-step guide to Shadow Identification and Shadow Integration and have much in common with initiatives being led by people like Dr. Gabor Maté and practitioners of CCM - Classical or Taoist Chinese Acupuncture.

Once they are safe, young people who were raised under conditions that were conducive to exploitation and abuse can learn how to find empowerment without abusing or exploiting others—especially when these tools have become woven into the lives of ordinary people around the world.

Imagine a world in which generations of people have trained themselves to look inward for resources to deal with emotional, psychological, and relational pain, rather than seeking relief through domination, exploitation, or external control.

We already know how to do this, and with each passing year we are gaining more experience.

If you would like to explore how you can contribute to breaking these cycles, then schedule a brief conversation with me—and let’s make this world a healthier place for people.

Share your thoughts and responses in an email or schedule a no‑obligation one‑on‑one call to discuss how my services can support you, your family, or your organization - advantagesofmediation.ca/contact.

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Empowerment without abusing or exploiting others

- responding to millions of released paedo-files